


Begin Again

by Aquareanne



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-07 08:04:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8790004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquareanne/pseuds/Aquareanne
Summary: Guzma and Leilani were friends. Then she left, only to return years later.





	1. Prologue

The setting sun is reflected on the shore, painting the waves in vivid purples and pinks. Leilani watches as the water rushes up to meet the coast then recedes, like a shy child. She reclines in the porch swing and closes her eyes. It’s serene and beautiful, but there’s a dark undercurrent bubbling inside her.  There’s a soft _crunch, crunch_ —the sound of bare feet connecting with the ground—and she knows exactly who’s making the noise without looking: Guzma. The young man flops down, inches away from Leilani, the rickety swing creaking in protest.

“So...” he starts, then stops, unsure of how to continue. He doesn’t know why he’s here and Leilani’s too afraid to tell him just yet. It'll shatter him, crush him until the pieces can no longer be strung back together. It’s already destroying her, tearing at her heart, pulling on her nerves. Salty tears begin to sting her eyes and threaten to spill down her cheeks. The silence is the adhesive keeping her together.

“I’m leaving.” A whisper, barely audible against the roaring waves. Her eyes are open now, but she’s not looking at him—she can’t. Instead, she focuses on the clouds that float lazily across the sky. Maybe he didn’t hear her and she can pretend that everything’s fine. Life doesn’t work like that, though.

“Whaddya mean you’re leaving? When?”

“Tomorrow.” It’s ripped from her throat painfully, but it hurts him worse, the word a knife in his heart. He stares at her, aghast. Leilani meets his eyes and immediately regrets waiting until the final hours. They’re filled with a sorrow so intense that she’s drowning. It’s a look that’ll haunt her for years.

“Tomorrow!?” Guzma echoes, voice equal parts rage and agony. “You’re coming back, right?” With a tiny shake of her head, Leilani shreds whatever slivers of hope he'd been saving. She places a hand on his shoulder, but he shrinks from her touch like it burns.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner, Lee?” The rawness of those words chips away at her and the tears stream freely down her face, steadier than a downpour. She mutters apologies, never realizing there were so many ways to say ‘sorry.’ He doesn’t comfort her, but it's what she deserves. After all, she’s his anchor, the gravity the keeps him from floating into space, a gentle reminder that his existence has purpose. Without her, he’s lost, like a helium balloon that wasn’t tied down.

She wipes her face with the hem of her shirt and attempts to steady herself. A few deep breaths later and she manages to speak without hiccuping and sniffling the entire time. “I-I just...I hoped my parents would change their mind. But they’re set on moving.”

A spark ignites in his eyes and he turns to her, grabbing her wrists. “Run away with me.”

“Guzma, wha—”

“We’ll move far away, where no one will know our names. Live on top of a mountain or something, in a hut that’s a little _too_ small but who cares as long as we have each other.” He radiates excitement as he talks and Leilani can only stare at him sadly.

“You know I can’t, Guz.” She squeezes his hand affectionately, hoping it will convey what she wishes she had the courage to say.

“I know it’s sudden, but think of how much happier you’ll be.”  _How much happier you’ll be,_ she corrects silently. What he’s suggesting is inconceivable to her, but a dream in the making for him. She recalls the evenings he’d scream at the ocean and hurl rocks into its sparkling waters, angry at his parents’ neglect. She remembers the way he’d lashed out at her when she asked about the purple bruises on his skin. 'Family' is a word he'd never comprehend.

Her reply is two simple words with the power to collapse worlds: "I can't."

“Fine,” Guzma snaps, yanking his hands away from hers. Leilani watches miserably as he walks away, his head hung low. If he bothered to say ‘goodbye,’ she didn’t hear it. All she could think about was the promise she made year ago, when he first told her of his father's behavior. _I’ll protect you,_ she’d said as she watched him cry for the first time. She never thought she’d hurt him the most.


	2. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to develop their relationship, so I turned this into a multi-chapter fic! Thanks for the feedback as well.

In the time she’s been gone, Alola has transformed. The same waves that once rushed to greet her toes shrink when she’s near. Pikipek cry out, but the sound has lost its jovial tenor. Even the winds are bitter. Melemele island feels cold and removed. She may have grown up here, but it’s not her home anymore. The subtle differences make Leilani a stranger to the islands.

The inhabitants are the same, though. They greet her in the typical Alola fashion, complete with toothy smiles and sparkling eyes. It’s infectious and soon Leilani’s grinning and exclaiming “Alola!” in response. A child reaches up to hang a brightly colored lei around her neck, one that came from the mother’s Comfey. A warmer welcome outside of Alola could never be found.

Leilani chats with old friends until the sun sinks beneath the horizon. They exchange stories and memories, some of which are old, but she listens to nonetheless. It’s been so long since she’s truly laughed that she’s forgotten how wonderful it feels to smile. When it’s time for her to leave, her cheeks ache, but her heart’s light.

She moves without direction, content with walking among the shadows. The roads are eerily silent and Leilani hums to combat the quiet. Her feet, unsurprisingly, carry her straight to Guzma’s childhood home. There’s a light on in one of the rooms, but she doesn’t knock on the door; instead, she continues on as though she had never peered into his bedroom window to check on him. He’s not there, hasn’t been for a couple of years. She’s certain of that.

Two strangers dressed like the night run past her and one of their elbows connect with her gut. Splotches of bright light dot her vision as she crashes to the ground. By the time she recovers, her assailants are gone. Another man appears moments later, wearing the same shade of black as the other ruffians. 

“I ain’t going back empty-handed,” he mutters to himself then, in a clearer voice, demands that she hand over all of her Pokémon. Leilani lets out a snicker that turns into a full-on laugh as he repeats the command once more. “I mean it, yo!”

It might be intimidating if his voice wasn’t so high-pitched and his hands weren’t shaking. “I have a better idea. Why don’t you run home to wherever it is you come from before I call the police.”

It was the wrong thing to say, apparently. He lunges at her, knocking her off-balance, and snatches her bag while she’s disoriented. “Don’t mess with Team Skull!” he shouts before taking off. Leilani attempts follow him, running as fast as her legs allow but loses sight of him within minutes. The darkness swallowed him up.

A rugged Leilani drags herself into the police station to file a report. The officer on duty is uncooperative, brushing off her complaints with a wave of his hand. He’s got too many high-profile cases that have to be solved before he can deal with petty thievery. 

“Thanks for the help.” His lack of concern agitates her and, as a result, the kind words turn bitter.

“You could always get them back yourself,” he retorts.

“I wouldn’t want to put you out of a job.” That earns her a droll look.

“Well, if you change your mind, you should pay a visit to Po Town.”

“Po Town? Why would they be there?”

“Sheesh, kid. Have you been living under a rock or somethin’? Team Skull took over that place a while back.” She stares at him dumbly, wondering if this is an elaborate prank. There’s no way a group of thieves could have driven out all those people. Something in his expression, however, suggests he’s serious.

Without another word, Leilani exits the building, utterly defeated and exhausted. She spends the night in a dingy motel room with yellowing wallpaper and squeaky floorboards. The mattress is lumpy and the pillow is rock hard, but she’s too tired to care. Sleep consumes her mind but not before a few tears roll down her cheek.

The sun is her alarm clock—as soon as the golden rays shine through the blinds, she’s up and ready to face the day. A Charizard flies her to Ula’ula Island, dropping her off on the outskirts of Po Town. Pink and blue designs decorate the newly constructed barricades. The sloppy handiwork bothers her more than the actual graffiti. It looks like something she doodled as a child.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Leilani’s fist freezes mid-air and she spins around to see a coral-haired girl glaring at her.

“Getting my Pokémon back.”

“Ha! That’s adorable.” The girl’s eyes sparkle with delight as she laughs. There’s a bandana obscuring her mouth and nose, but Leilani knows she’s smirking. It’s aggravating and she digs her nails into her palm. “And how exactly do you plan on getting past these walls?”

“See? You don’t even have an idea,” Pinky sneers as Leilani searches for an answer. “I do admire your spunk, though. Maybe we can work something out.  _ Maybe _ . You got a lot of money? I could use extra cash.”

“Depends. How much are you thinking? A thousand?” It’s ridiculous, reasoning with criminals, but she’d spend every last cent to hold her Pokémon again.

“That the best you can do? Higher.” Leilani glowers at her, but it only seems to encourage the other girl.

“Five thousand.” A shake of the head from the thug. “Ten thousand.”

“I like the sound of that. I’ll get you your little friends back, after you’ve paid me, of course.”

“Half now, half later.”

“You’re not in a position to be bargaining, girlie.”

“I’ll throw in an extra thousand if you return my Pokémon within the next five minutes. They’re in a black bag with a golden rose on the front.” 

“Deal.” They shake hands and Leilani begrudgingly gives her five thousand Poké. The other girl disappears behind the walls that seem to touch the sky. She sits underneath a patch of shade, leaning against a tree trunk, and plucks a blade of grass for every passing minutes. Once there’s ten pieces, she comes to the conclusion that she’s been tricked. As she dusts off her clothes, however, her savior bursts through the door.

“Guess you didn’t take the money and run—Wait a minute, where’s my bag?”

“Boss says you don’t get your Pokémon ‘till you meet with him and I ain’t disobeying him. So you got two options: come with me or go home.” She scans the girl’s face for deceit, but her eyes reveal nothing. With great reluctance, Leilani agrees to follow her.

“What does your, uh, boss wants with me?” She can’t hide her nervousness; unpleasant scenarios, ones that include her death, flit through her mind. Leilani takes one last look at the sky, in case she’ll never see the sun again.

“I dunno. Money, probably.” It’s logical and Leilani relaxes, albeit marginally. She has yet to retrieve her Pokémon.

Pink Hair leads her past the abandoned homes and into a shady mansion. Broken bottles and garbage cover the floor, like the inside of a trashcan. Multicolored shards of glass are swept up into one corner in a pathetic attempt to clean up. It no longer resembles the place from her memories. It breaks her heart to see such a beautiful home in horrendous condition.

“Careful where you step. It’s a long way down.” She gestures to the ground below, crossing the roof with practised ease.

Leilani clings to the windowsills, desperate to keep her footing. A stray tile, loosened by yesterday’s rain, falls to the pavement. She clenches the wood tighter and her knuckles turn pale. “If you bought less hair dye, you could probably afford repairs.”

“What doesn’t kill you makes for a heck of a story.” Leilani suppresses a shudder and, once inside, whispers her thanks to Tapu Bulu. The other girl gives her a quizzical glance then shrugs. They arrive at the messiest room she’s ever seen, but it’s not the disarray that attracts her attention—it’s  the man sitting on a makeshift throne. 

Guzma.

 


	3. An Encounter

“Guzma...” Leilani starts, then stops. Words flood her mind, torrents of questions prepared to spew from her lips, but not a single one reaches her tongue. What can she say, except hollow apologies and worthless excuses? The man in front of her is no longer her friend—he’s a stranger. “You’ve changed.”

“The fuck’s that supposed to mean?” Guzma snaps, gaze turning frigid. She flinches at the sudden venom in his voice and twists the gold bracelets on her wrist. “What’d you think was gonna happen when you left me, huh? Did you expect me to be okay? Well, newsflash, Leilani, I ain’t.” Her name is spat out like a curse, cutting into her chest, and tearing at her heart.

“You think it was my choice to move?” She barks out a laugh tinged with bitterness. “I know how much of an asshole your dad is—do you really believe I’d leave you alone with him on purpose?” Tears roll down her pale cheeks and Leilani isn’t sure if it’s anger or sadness that causes her to cry.

“You coulda stayed,” he counters, but his voice is softer now, lacking the biting edge. Leilani drys her cheeks with her palms, then wipes them on her pants. She’s still sniffling, but the trembling has stopped.

“And maybe I should’ve. Perhaps things would be different. Who knows?” Leilani emphasizes her uncertainty with a shrug. “But I can’t alter the past, so there’s no reason to speculate on what could have been.”

She doesn’t regret the move, though. Leaving behind Guzma had been arduous—she’d sobbed for the entirety of the boat ride—but she ultimately came to enjoy her new home. The people were friendly and the weather was pleasant. Her parents became prominent figures in their jobs and offered her a position as secretary. She was content in Kanto.

“You probably want your bag back, huh?” She nods, her thoughts scattering as he speaks. The silence was welcoming while it lasted. “This was your birthday gift from your grandma, right?”

“Yeah.” How did he remember such an insignificant thing?

“Thought I recognized it,” Guzma grins, proud of his memory. Leilani beams back at him. He gets up, grabs the bag, and walks over to her. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” Leilani clutches it to her chest, enveloping it in her arms. Now that her bag’s been returned, she should be leaving, yet she refuses to budge. Instead, she decides to stay without a second thought. The two of them have years worth of reconciliation to catch up on.

Guzma, although elated by her resolution, advises against it. “You don’t belong here. You’re not a criminal, Lee.”

“Neither are you.”

“I steal Pokémon, for fuck’s sake!” He’s closing up again, entering defense mode. His arms are crossed, fingers digging into the fabric of his sweater. Leilani reaches out to console him but he shrinks away from her touch. “People _hate_ me, and for good reason. I’m a fucking loser.” Guzma slumps to his knees and digs his fingers into his scalp, tugging aggressively at his dark roots.

“Stop that,” Leilani pleads, grabbing him by the wrists. He protests at first, but his attempts to resist become feeble as the will to fight dissolves. She releases her grip once he calms down and gently runs her fingers through his hair. He looks at her, eyes glossy with tears, and she smiles. “You’re not a loser.”

“You’re too good to me, Lee. You deserve a better friend.” Guzma pushes her away, but it’s futile. She’s not going anywhere. “Someone who's not a failure, a fuckup, or a piss-poor excuse for a son.”

“You’re not any of those things, so quit saying shit like that. You’re a human being and humans make mistakes.” He scoffs and Leilani glares at him. “If you really hate it, why do you continue?”

“When you’ve lived your entire life believing that you’re nothing, it’s hard to want to be _something_. Everyone thought I was a bad guy, so why bother trying to change their minds?” There’s resentment in those words, tinged with anguish that threatens to drown the both of them.

“It’s not your job to please everyone, Guzma. Besides, what ever happened to not giving a fuck about what others think?”

“Yeah, well, even the shittiest of people could use a bit of praise.”

“Damn it, Guzma! You're not a bad person. You're just going through a rough time.”

“I’ve been to _jail._ ” He slams his fist into his leg. “Good people don't get arrested.”

Leilani shakes her head, sighing. Arguing with him is unproductive, like punching a wall, but she wants him to see that he’s more than a label. She wants him to be happy with who he is. “You still have time to chang.”

“Yeah, right,” Guzma sneers. “Changing ain’t gonna do me any good.”

“Not with that attitude, no.” She’s pulled tight, like a rubber band about to snap, and exasperation seeps into her words. “You want to continue living like this, go ahead.” Leilani disentangles their limbs only to be dragged into his embrace once more. He holds her delicate hand in his large, a silent plea, one and squeezes it gently.

“ _Help me_.” He’s crying again and he blinks away the tears furiously, embarrassed to cry in Leilani’s presence. She’s never seen him so broken before. “I can’t do it without you, Lee.”

“I’d do anything to help you, Guz. But you gotta stop being so harsh on yourself, okay?” It’s a toxic coping mechanism, one he accumulated over years of abuse, and she hates it. “Break dishes, not your self-esteem.”

“No promises,” he says, but there’s a mischief in his eyes and a smirk on his face. She rests her head on his shoulder, content to be in his arms once more.

As if awakening from a trance, Leilani jolts forward. “You dyed your hair!” she exclaims delightedly.

“Yeah, I did.”

“I love it,” she adds, sensing his self-consciousness. White’s not a color she’d ever try, but it looks great on him. The sunglasses are new, too, and only he could maintain an air of coolness in something as ridiculous as those sun-and-moon shades. He chuckles at her compliment and ruffles her hair with his free hand. “I missed you, Guz.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, I didn’t.” His tough guy act cracks her up and she lets out a laugh that turns into a snort. She knows he’s missed her, too, even if he denies it. For Guzma, emotions are complicated. His father taught him that they only made him weak and since he desired to be strong, he buried them deep inside himself. As a result, he struggles when articulating his feelings. It’s also why he’s prone to mood swings and violent displays.

“I’m sorry I didn’t keep in touch. And for not telling you sooner. And—”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it. You can’t change the past, remember?” He’s quoting her, not verbatim, but she smiles nonetheless.

“You _were_ listening to me.” Leilani teases. She can’t see his face, but she’s certain he’s rolling his eyes. He did that a lot when they were young, often enough that she was concerned he’d damage his extraocular muscles. After a comfortable lapse of silence, she asks, “Can I stay here for the night?”

“‘Course. There’s an extra room down the hall that you can use. I’ll have one of my guys set it up for you.” Guzma gets to his feet, pulling Leilani up with him. They’ve only inches away from the other but she feels incomplete, like he stole a piece of her while they were melded together. He pounds on the wall to attract the attention of his crew and begins shouting orders at whoever comes running.

The grunts prepare her room to the best of their ability, but it’s obvious why these kids aren’t interior decorators—the room’s a mess. A picture of a crudely drawn skull-and-bones sits atop a battered nightstand, enclosed by a shattered frame glued together one too many times. The rug and curtains are fraying and it smells faintly of mold. Her helpers are proud of how it looks, though, claiming that it’s the best room in the entire mansion. She thanks them for their assistance and they give her a strange glance before leaving. After checking on her Pokémon, Leilani goes to sleep.


End file.
